Miguel (10) and Carlos (6) were very young when their mother suddenly left. The brothers, from the countryside of Juliaca, Peru, live with their father, Juan. When their mother did not come home, everyday life became a struggle for the family.
Being a single parent in Peru is not easy, especially when a woman leaves her family. Many families experience being shut out and feeling worthless, and everyday life quickly becomes lonely.
This is what happened to Juan (31) when he became a single parent to his sons.
Disability exclusion
At school, the boys were teased and placed at the back of the classroom, experiencing exclusion and neglect from both teachers and classmates.
Miguel is partially paralysed and struggles with language and Carlos was bullied because of a congenital cleft lip and palate.
With the teachers lacking the knowledge on how to support children with disabilities, both boys were ignored until they no longer wanted to go to school.
However, through these experiences, Miguel and Carlos developed a close bond and enjoy playing ball together.
For a long time, Juan held on to hope that his wife would return so they could be a family again. Before his wife left, they had taken out loans for Carlos’s surgeries and to give Miguel the extra support he needed.
Juan was suddenly left with all the responsibilities, and the bills piled up. Why she chose to leave is something he says he’ll never understand.
“The most important thing is that we have each other.”
Juan
Active Fatherhood
Juan found that his role as a single father was looked down on in the local community, where traditional gender roles and a strong ‘macho’ culture dictate that a man should not do housework or be a caring or loving father.
In a society where domestic violence, against both women and children, is still very widespread, it’s difficult for men to create an identity independent from the traditional role.
To change the negative spiral of violence and parental absence, as well as give more children a better and safer environment, SOS Children’s Villages Peru runs the ‘Active Fatherhood’ Programme.
The programme aims to redefine masculinity and the role of fathers, with particular emphasis on increasing knowledge about how harmful parental violence is for children, its negative effect on children’s self-esteem and how it’s passed down through generations.
Changing behaviour
Juan is one of many fathers to receive support from the Programme, which provides financial support as well as guidance around taking an active part in raising children and taking on greater responsibility and household tasks.
They also learn how to talk about feelings and how to meet the children’s different needs.
“Around 90% of the fathers who participate say they have been violent towards their partner and children.” says Stephany Orihuela, a child protection specialist and psychologist at SOS Children’s Villages Peru
“Through the Programme, we work to change mindsets, give them tools they can use in everyday life and interactions at home, and create a greater awareness of what it means to have a healthy family relationship.
“We see that this helps them to change the way they treat both their children and their partner.
“Active Fatherhood makes a big difference, and we see that the fathers largely want and choose to change their behaviour.”
Hope for the future
SOS Children’s Villages has provided a teacher to help Miguel with his language and improve his motor skills.
Work is also underway to build an extra room in their home so that they can have a kitchen.
Juan likes to cook and thinks it is important that they eat dinner together as a family. He says that SOS Children’s Villages motivates him to be a better father and to spend as much time with the children as he can.
“Despite all the hardships we’ve had, we stick together,” he says proudly as the boys play together in the garden.
Names have been changed to protect privacy.