There are so many people who find Mother’s Day hard. If you have lost your mother, or have never known your mother, or maybe just don’t have a good relationship with your mother, it can be a tough day. Equally, if you have lost a baby, or are struggling to conceive in a world filled with people effortlessly having babies, or perhaps you have lost a much loved wife and mother, it can feel like a really difficult day potentially full of very mixed emotions.
At SOS Children’s Villages, we look after children who, for a whole host of different reasons, cannot be with their parents. So we know all too well how difficult it is to have these days which remind us all of what we have lost.
Part of what makes the day so hard is it can be a reminder of something we don’t have. That makes us feel like everyone else is celebrating something that we don’t have, something that is entirely out of our control. That can lead us to feel depressed or despairing.
So this Mother’s Day, you might like to try mothering yourself. Be the mother you need right now. Ask yourself kindly, compassionately, “What am I feeling about Mother’s Day?” and listen to yourself. Name the feelings that come up. Do you feel sad? Maybe anxious? Angry that others have something you don’t have? Sometimes it can help to give the emotions that come up a name: I’m feeling angry because it feels like everyone else has something I don’t. Maybe even say it out loud.
Let that feeling be. Don’t try to change it, or suppress it, just accept that that is what you are feeling right now. Sometimes accepting our feelings rather than fighting them can help them to pass more easily.
When you have tuned in to yourself and your feelings, you have taken the first step on the way to mothering yourself. It doesn’t necessarily mean mothering yourself in a way you were ever actually mothered, or that you have mothered children yourself, it just means potentially being the mother you never had. Being really tuned in, compassionate and caring to yourself. It may seem like a cliché that mothers act in that way, but take control and be that cliché for yourself, so you can pour that love and care onto yourself if only just for one day.
Ask yourself in the way a loving mother might, what do you need right now? And whatever you know will make you feel better, make a plan to do that. Move heaven and earth to do something just for you. It could be making some really delicious food, or getting someone to make it for you. It could be spending time with friends or family who lift your spirits, or spending time blissfully alone. Maybe treat yourself to a day out, pampering yourself, or stay home and take solace in quiet time, reading, watching re-runs of your favourite TV show.
Mother yourself as much as you can. Metaphorically throw your arms around yourself. Give yourself permission to do whatever you need to feel mothered and loved, without guilt. You can be the perfect mother to yourself, just for one day this Mother’s Day. Or it could be the start of something you do more often to prioritise yourself and your feelings.
We have created a Facebook group for anyone who wants to join and share why they find Mother’s Day hard, or who wants to share a memory or a story, or to tell us what you’re going to do to mother yourself this Mother’s Day. Please join if you think it could help you – everyone is welcome.
