“You haven’t cleaned properly again! What a mess! You’re not getting another peso from me. And next time, there’ll be hell to pay!” a man yells at his whimpering wife, who is lying on the floor. He has raises his hand threateningly.
This is a scene that plays out thousands of times a day in homes across Colombia, where traditional patriarchal structures still hold strong.
This time, thankfully, it’s just a re-enactment. The yelling man and the weeping woman are being played by participants in an SOS Children’s Villages workshop to raise awareness about gender-based violence. The three women who rush to the aid of the threatened wife are also workshop participants.
“We’ll help you. Your husband doesn’t have the right to treat you like this. Come on, let’s call the police!” they said as they helped their friend up.
“Great job! You did a fantastic job! And the next time you witness a woman in real danger, you must react just as bravely as you did in the role-playing game. We will no longer tolerate violence against women,” Franchelis Pana Epiayu calls out in a her strong and steady voice, earning loud applause from 20 women.
Forced marriage at age 13
Franchelis was just 13 years old when her uncle married her off to an 18 year old man she didn’t know. Her family received ten goats, traditional jewellery, several cases of beer and rum, and the equivalent of a few hundred euros for her.
Among the Wayúu, an indigenous group in Colombia and Venezuela, arranged child marriages are still widespread.
“Back then, I wanted to be a child. I wanted to play. I wanted to be free and make my own decisions. But I certainly didn’t want to get pregnant,” Franchelis says angrily.
But without access to contraception, Franchelis quickly became pregnant, and soon after, she was alone. A month before she gave birth to her first child at the age of 14, the man she had been forced to marry was run over by a truck and killed.
Two years after her first forced marriage, her family sold her to another older man. Because Franchelis – herself still a child at the time – already had a child to bring into the marriage, the family received an even higher ‘bride price’ than the first time.
Fleeing from violence and hunger
Long before Franchelis was sold twice, her life was defined by violence.
Born in Colombia, she and her family fled to Venezuela in 2001 to escape the fighting between FARC rebels, paramilitaries, and the Colombian army. Her parents feared the rebels would attack their village and forcibly recruit the male family members into the brutal war.
Two-year-old Franchelis fled in her mother’s arms. Nineteen years later, when she ran from poverty and domestic violence in Venezuela and returned to her native Colombia, she carried her three-year-old son Jeronimo*, held her seven-year-old son Emmanuel* by the hand. She was also pregnant with her unborn daughter.
For Franchelis, the stakes couldn’t have been any higher.
Crammed onto the back of a truck with around 20 other refugees, the young mother had almost reached Colombia when heavily armed bandits stopped the truck. The masked men robbed the refugees of their cell phones, money, and all their luggage, and threatened them with rape.
“Most of the women were terrified that the bandits would assault them. But I was only afraid for my children and held them tightly to me,” Franchelis recalls of her traumatic escape.
With only the clothes on her back and her two children, she finally reached Colombia. In Milagro de Dios, she met staff members of SOS Children’s Villages for the first time – an encounter that would change her life forever.
"We must put an end to the violence."
The staff provided the expectant mother with food, nappies, and a baby bathtub, and invited her two older children to regular playdates with other children. In workshops run by SOS Children’s Villages, Franchelis became aware of how often she had been subjected to violence by her family and the men in her life. She resolved never to be a victim again and to ensure that other girls and women would be spared her fate.
Three years after participating in her first workshop on gender-based violence, she led her first course as a trainer on girls’ and women’s rights.
“That I am today the woman I always wanted to be, I owe that to SOS Children’s Villages,” says Franchelis, who also addresses education, contraception, pregnancy, and parenting in her workshops.
The youngest participant in the workshop is still a minor but is expecting her first child soon; the oldest is Franchelis’ own mother. They all know from their own experience what Franchelis is talking about. Because violence – as the workshop participants learn – is not just physical, but also emotional, economic, verbal, and sexual violence.
"I bought you. You belong to me."
“When he married me, I was just a child who let him get away with everything. My husband told me, ‘I bought you. You belong to me. I can do whatever I want with you.’ But at some point, I wasn’t going to put up with it anymore. So he ran off and left me with the three children. I didn’t shed a single tear for him,” Franchelis says after her workshop, while she hugs her four-year-old daughter Mariana* tightly.
She wants her daughter to grow up with the freedom to make her own choices – whether to marry, who to marry, and whether to have children. When it comes to her daughter’s future, Franchelis has just one hope: that one day she becomes a lawyer and fights for the rights of girls and women.
Franchelis hopes that by participating in her workshops, more and more women will find the courage to stand up to violent men. So far, she is having great success.
“Once, a man came to me and complained that his wife had become defiant and wouldn’t let him boss her around anymore after she attended one of my courses. That’s when I knew I’d done everything right,” laughs Franchelis.
Police are not doing enough
The effectiveness of her courses is also confirmed by Gyna Zambrano, an SOS Children’s Villages employee who trained Franchelis to lead the workshops.
“Before they came to the workshops, many women were completely unaware that they were experiencing emotional and economic abuse. They had become so accustomed to it that violence was perfectly normal for them. Many were ashamed to report their husbands or were afraid of losing the family’s main breadwinner. Fortunately, this is gradually changing,” says Gyna Zambrano, who also offers courses that are attended by men.
Many of the men were previously unaware that they were perpetrating violence.
“Since the vast majority of men want happy wives and families, they are certainly interested in changing their behaviour accordingly. But of course, that doesn’t happen overnight,” reports Gyna Zambrano.
However, since SOS Children’s Villages began raising awareness about violence among men and women, Zambrano has observed a significant improvement during her numerous home visits. “Things are already more peaceful and respectful in many families,” she says.
Franchelis isn’t satisfied with stopping there. The mother of three, trained as a Youth Community Agent by SOS Children’s Villages, says:
“I’m proud of what we’ve already achieved together. But since the police still too often turn a blind eye to violence and murder against girls and women, we women must unite and fight back until we can finally live in safety.”